"Selective" Separation Anxiety

[Beatrix]

Hi everyone,

I've had my beautiful mare for about 4 months, she is gorgeous, soft in the mouth, responsive,highly intelligent and very highly strung :(.   There is one big ongoing problem which is preventing me (a bit of a nervous rider) from making the progress with her that I thought she and I would have made by now.

She goes ballistic if she remains in the indoor school by herself when being ridden. If there are other horses in there with her, she is happy as a lamb. but once they leave, trouble. anxiety, refusal to concentrate or do anything.   

In the title to this message I described the situation as "selective" separation anxiety, because if I take her in there on a lead, when there's no one else there, and let her off the lead so she can play and roll in the sand, she's happy.  Only does the "amateur dramatics" under saddle when she has to actually do some work

She is so clever that if we go in there and there are other horses. but they have already completed their session and are walking on a loose rein or are having their warm up rugs placed on their back, she looks at me suspiciously, the eyes start rolling, and the message is clear "very soon I will be in here all alone and the dragons will eat me" etc.

Because during the week, i have to ride late in the evening after work, my instructor and I have sort of placed a band aid on the situation, by taking another horse (one of her friends) into the school with us and just have the horse there, either standing or walking on a lead rope.   Yes I know this sounds extreme and silly, but without this she would be jumping up and down like a yo-yo and my confidence would be evaporating.

If we let her friend off the lead, and that horse goes slowly pottering down the end of the large school (65 x 40 metres) and maybe partially disappears behind a hay bale, my horse immediately gets edgy and distraught.   

How do we get beyond this?  Once a week or so when I can't go out, my instructor rides her alone (which I guess is a good start).  But she (my horse. not my instructor) clearly revells in her role as drama queen.   

She is certainly co-dependent on other horses, she also has to go into the field with a friend, otherwise she would get anxious (a couple of months ago she jumped the fence when one of her friends in a neighbouring field was being taken back to the stables.

this drama/anxiety thing is a real barrier to progress, because it means I don't have the confidence to ride unless I know there will be other horses with me. And if we are there and the other horses leave, I usually ask one of them if they can stay in the arena for a few more minutes until I finish.

yes I know someone will say I am "enabling" her behaviour by always ensuring she has companions, but I do not have the confidence to sit on a firecrackering yo-yo who loses all rationality. 

The mare is very opinionated, e.g. if she decides she's really not interested in doing some "harder" work, like half passes or flying changes, she will put in editorial comments - i call it the "spanish canter", where she will throw out the leading leg in a really extreme extended action and snort indignantly, while then bouncing up and down and throwing in powerful pigroots as punctuation marks. Actually it looks really cute but is clearly not desirable and not good for my nerves either.

Would really welcome advice/suggestions

cheers
Beatrix

[Kandi]

Ooohh yes the separation issue! It just makes everything so much more complicated doesnt it.

I have had to deal with this issue with my boy. However his is not 'selective' as you describe your mares behaviour.

If you say that she can cope with going in for a roll and wander around without getting upset then could you ask her to work from the ground, doing some lunging or long lining so that she actually has to 'work' but the activity is similar to the situation she can cope with? You could then have her tacked up and do some ground work and eventually work up to your instructor on the ground and you riding her?

Is she really upset as such or is it more lke she is extremely opinionated about situations she doesnt like? It may just be a case of ignoring this behaviour and rewarding her when she settles. I know this is easier said than done if your confidence is not 100%.

I think my boy will always have separation issues but we will eventually get to a place where we accomodate some of the issues but work through others so that he learns to cope. For example i will never expect him to be turned out on his own, but he will be expected to be able to work in an arena on his own if required. I found using richard maxwell's DVD an excellent way of estabilshing some ground rules in a calm positive manner so it might be worth doing some of that sort of work with her to help your relationship with her?

Edit - Sorry just reading over your post again, how does she behave when your instructor rides her alone? Is she ok? If so then i wonder if she is now picking up on your nervousness about the situation?

[Beatrix]

Thanks Kandi.  Yes I think it is more that she is opinionated about things she doesn't like. 

She behaves the same way when my instructor is on her, so it's not just her picking up on my nerves. 

But I think it is also true that I still haven't entirely established that I am the "alpha" horse, and even on the ground she needs to learn more respect, so ground work would be a good thing. 

Someone tonight at the stable suggested that whenever she has a tantrum at being left alone, we should immediately make her canter round and round in a circle, to make her associate tantrums with having to work harder.  Is this a good idea?

We try and "occupy" her mind as much as possible by doing lots of shoulder in and gymnastic  exercises etc. but she honestly has eyes in the back of her head and sees everything.

Very interesting event recently concerning perception- we had been schooling in the arena, one horse left and another came in.  The new horse's rider was in an antagonistic mood and shortly started to argue with us about the "uncoordinated" way we were using the arena and how we were encroaching upon her space (we weren't etc..)  Anyway, she kept going on about it and was  raising her voice.      Then about 4 days later, we were walking my mare in the school on a lead rope and there were other horses being schooled.  My mare was completely relaxed and then the "antagonistic" rider from a few days ago appeared on the outside track. My mare continues to be cool and relaxed and JUST AS the woman rides past, my mare does a big sideways double legged kick out aimed in the direction of the rider and even turns her head to snort at the woman.  Now call this mere coincidence, but I think it's very interesting, almost as if she remembered this woman had been arguing with us.  (The two horses get on well and have never bickered).   

[Kandi]

Someone tonight at the stable suggested that whenever she has a tantrum at being left alone, we should immediately make her canter round and round in a circle, to make her associate tantrums with having to work harder.  Is this a good idea?
  

As long as she is rewarded the minute she settles and does what she is asked! It may be a case of just working her through it, as long as it doesnt feel like punishment for being anxious (which im not assuming you would do!), more like a natural consequence of being stroppy....she has to concentrate more! Doing more work may act like a distraction.

Sounds like her mind is razor sharp!

Richard maxwells DVD is clear calm and very sensible, he also has a website and forum.

Edit-
Im also just remembering, I spoke with richard maxwell about separation issues and he said he often finds that other horses leaving will cause anxiety rather than the horse in question leaving their friends. This is certainly the case with my older pony, you can take her away from the others  no problem, but remove them from her....she is 27 years old and will jump over 1m 20. to join them! I wonder if that is what is happening with yours?

[Kandi]

How you getting on?

[myhorsefaith]

Oh I am having a life lesson with a similar situation as well. I was actually coming to post about mine, and found this similar thread.

At first the answer hurt me, but the more I think about it, the more empowering it is:

It's not about the arena. Its not about the (other) horses.

Its about your relationship with the horse. 

Think about it...horses are herd animals- they are most comfortable in groups. If the group moves away, the animal left behind catches up.

Your horse cannot do that- you are preventing her from doing so. But instead of seeking comfort in you, thus everything around her should be less important, she's more focused on the other animals.

So your job is to get her to think you are the herd she should be concerned about. A herd of 2. That doesn't come from "making her work" until she's completely exhausted. It comes from changing your perspective on the situation.

The making her work approach is fine physically, but the thought behind it is wrong. You are already a predator, she already doesn't find it comforting to be with you (or humans in general). So why would you promise to her that you are going to make life even worse for her? By keeping with this perspective of making her work, she's going to pick up on your intent. Remember, they are very intuitive animals. Emotions and thought count just as much as the action itself.

OK...so what DO you do? First of all, set her up for success. Work on your relationship when she is comfortable. Ask her to do work with the other horses present. Something she CAN do, and can do well- on the ground, under saddle. Your thoughts should be focused on positive, relationship building "what can i do to be a good leader and help my horse?" rather than "what do i have to do to my horse to make her stop?"  Your thought should be "i'm ignoring everyone else and focusing on you...and you, horse, should be doing the same" reward her tries, and keep it positive.

Once she starts seeing you as more of a gentle but firm leader, the more comfort she'll have in being with you. Soon the question will disappear- "what horses? I'm with my herd."

I hope that helps. 

~_~_~_~_~_~

Now my situation, rather than steal your thread, I'll post another. it is somewhat similar, but different. 

[Beatrix]

Update - thanks for the additional comments and insights.
I must say I have come to the conclusion that it is definitely a herd leader issue and it IS based on my relationship with my mare more than her anxiety re other horses.
There are quite a few Western riders at my stable and several have suggested I work on a lot of ground work with her to get her to accept my leadership and trust me.
I recently went away on business for 4 days and so my instructor rode her every day - and guess what?  Yep, she was very well behaved .  When I came back yesterday and we went in for my lesson, guess what - we had some minor dramas.   Not as bad as previously, but clearly, as soon as I am back and I climb aboard, I can see the eyes roaming around and the ears flickering - she is so clearly saying Ah yes, the nervous feeble rider is back on board!
I really really need to RELAX in the saddle.I get SO stiff with nerves.  Even if my mare trips or does a minor shy, my body seems to do this involuntary spasm reaction - as my instructor pointed out tonight - this just confirms to my mare that tigers are really out to get us.  As I replied, yes I know and believe me i don't want to give that impression but how do you stop an involuntary physical reaction?       Without wanting to sound like a total basket case, I will say that I'm using rescue remedy and have also started some EFT - I do think both are helping a bit, but I still wish there was a magic instant way I could stop clamping up.  At least I have a sense of humour - because when my instructor is encouragingly shouting at me to RELAX, i shout back and say - from my perspective, on this keg of dynamite, relaxation doesn't seem like a viable option!!
I think it is getting a little bit better - I try to hum to keep breathing and I also try and picture the Western riders at my stable - because when they ride they look so enviably relaxed.  Another thing I try and do at my instructor's suggestion is to keep riding actively and engage her attention if there is a spookable situation - ie start asking for shoulder in or small circles just to keep her occupied, rather than just freeze.

any tips on how to stop those annoying involuntary spasm physical reactions at a spook?
I really want to worth through this asap because there is so much i want to do with her and it is my mental blocks holding us back.

many thanks for your support and continued interest
beatrix

[Kandi]

Basket case??....nonsense....just a perfectly natural touch of anxiety that has evolved to keep us all safe from the monsters that did used to lurk in the bushes!

I wonder if you need to practice relaxation techniques while you are off the horse so that you become an 'expert' so to speak on using the techniques when riding?

Can you rate your level of anxiety on a scale of 1-10? If we say 0/10 is no anxiety and 10/10 is a panic attack (and i mean real panic attack - thinking you are going to die, faint etc) how much do you feel at different stages of the process?

Do you experience anticipatory anxiety before riding? Is it present when you think about riding even if you are away from the stables? Does it get worse at any time during riding when doing something in particular?

If you are say 4/10 before riding then I would try to do either some correct controlled breathing, or progressive muscle relaxation  and get the anxiety level to come down to at least 2/10 before riding. Take the time to do it though, just a few breaths then ploughing on with your anxiety way up high will probably not help.

You will probably need to practice your techniques away from the situation though, so that you can use them effectively when you need to. Could your instructor help you with this too...prompt you to stop and get the axniety down to a maximum 2/10 before continuing with the lesson....or you say to her when it goes above a certain level and you stop and bring it down again?

Hope that makes sense, let us know how you get on. 

[Beatrix]

UPDATE

I'm pleased to say there's definitely been some progress since my original 12 January post - when i wrote that we were still at the stage of having to have a babysitter horse in the indoor school with her- well we don't need to anymore!   she still gets a bit prickly and high strung if she goes into the school and there's no one else there, but it's much much better.
Also, if there are other horses there and they leave, she no longer does the hysterics - she does get nervous but recovers far more easily.  So definite progress.   She is SO sharp though - if another rider dismounts and starts loosening girth and putting sweat rug on horse she completely loses concentration and you can see her thinking - oh no, that horse is about to leave me!  have never seen such acute powers of oberservation of other rider behaviour from a horse!      so the situation is much better than it was on 12 January.

the "problem" remaining now is still the rider ie my anxiety.   we had a little incident a few weeks ago where i think my balance slipped when i asked her to canter as she hopped sideways - i must have accidentally jabbed her with my spur, because she let forth a series of spectacular bronco bucks and then went charging off full speed.  i am proud and happy to say I managed to stay on thru the bucks but the whole thing unnerved me and now it seems i can't canter - when i go to give the aids, i freeze up, she tenses and then starts leaping sideways or up and down.  so need to break thru on those relaxation techniques.  We decided last night to go back on the lunge line for a bit until i can get over this canter phobia - i feel a bit more secure that way - but i really need to loosen up and relax . we can only do about 3 or 4 attempts at canter start per session because Ms. opinionated gets very annoyed with my fumbling and starts tail swishing and emitting squeals and snorts - I don't want to push her beyond her tolerance limits because then i think it's more likely she would bronco buck again.  I don't think it's really mean behaviour on her part, as my instructor says - she is just frustrated and doesn't understand my aids when i freeze up.  (Last night was classic - on the last attempt to canter, she squealed and jumped forward and sideways - and i SHRIEKED very loudly- bit embarrassing really - the competent 10 year olds trotting past were no doubt smirking!) .
so tonight we'll have some more baby starts on the lunge line and see what happens.
will keep you posted.  But good news is we've had definite progress on the separation anxiety.