A politically correct Christmas

With the discussions of political correctness/craziness vs what REAL people want, I thought you might all appreciate the following as Christmas approaches and the people of so many lands in strife won't have much of its spirit, whatever their religion may be.

Twas the night before Christmas, and Santa was wrecked -
Why must Christmas be so politically correct?
His workers would no longer accept the name "elves";
Instead, "vertically challenged" they called themselves.
Meanwhile, working conditions at the North Pole
Were claimed by the Unions to damage the soul.

Some reindeer had gone, and he'd had no say -
they were simply set free by the RSPCA.
Equal Opportunity laws had made it quite clear
That he could not employ only reindeer.
So Dancer and Prancer, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced by four pigs - didn't that look so stupid!

The runners were taken from Santa's great sleigh -
The ruts were too dangerous said the N.R.M.A.
Then, people started to call for the cops
When they heard the sleigh's noise above the rooftops.
The police 'copter was scrambled and the Fire Service, too
Just because reindeer were seen outside the zoo!

Next, Santa's fur-trimmed red suit was called 'unenlightened'
And the smoke from his pipe made people quite frightened.
To add to the long list of poor Santa's woes
Rudolph was suing for the use of his nose!
On "A Current Affair" in front of the nation,
He demanded a million dollars compensation!

So. Half his reindeer were gone - and then went his wife
Who suddenly said she'd had enough of that life.
She packed up and left him, without even a kiss
And informed him that from now on her title was MIZZ.
As for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That the giving of presents could cause such a commotion!

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Nothing for him or just for her.
Nothing for hitting and nothing to shoot
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
No chocolate or lollies - they're bad for dentition;
No booze or tobacco to feed an addiction.
No cakes or pudding that could make you fat;
No sexy lingerie - we can't allow THAT!
Books might insult, if they're the wrong edition
And what if CD's are not a faithful rendition?
Fairy tales, though not quite forbidden,
Are, like Barbie and Ken, best left well-hidden.
For they raise the hackles of those psychological
Who claim you should give only gifts ecological.
No surfboards or bikes - someone might get hurt! -
And anyway, sports expose kids to dirt!
Dolls are sexist and should be passe
Antiques and bric-a-brac is so declasse
Computers are said to rot your brain
And Nintendo and X-box to send you insane.

Santa stood there, dishevelled, puzzled and glum,
Unable to think just what should be done.
He tried to be merry, to laugh and be gay
But, you've got to be careful with some words today!
His sack was quite empty, it flopped on the ground
For acceptable gifts just could not be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he could
Give to all with none saying "That gift's no good!"
He needed a gift for the young and the old
That would help them be generous, brave and bold.
A gift for each culture and every religion
All colours, each race and political system
A gift for the rich and the poor of each nation
That brings with it health, happiness, education.

He found it. Here is that gift - none can measure its worth:

May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.